My Thanksgiving Christmas List, Written before Halloween in my Easter Dress

In case you missed it, we just wrapped up Halloween 2012.  It was cold. It was wet. It was windy. I ate the leftover candy.

I might have eaten this much. Or maybe a little more.

But the bigger story that unfolded before my eyes, as I slogged through Target throughout October, trying to find just the right balance of "cute-not-slutty" costumes for my girls and an "action-but-not-violent-yet-not wimpy" costume for Gabe, was that our national Holiday Split Personality Disorder is getting worse.  We, my friends, are Halloween, Christmas and Thanksgiving (the lesser loved, not so cute, stepchild) all at the same time.  We run from one themed retail area to the other, not really knowing what month we're in, what holiday we should be spending our money on next or how to get ahead of the tidal wave of holiday "spirit' washing us away.  Sounds great, right?

This was the general look I was avoiding for my kids...

I know this is the creation of Wal-Mart and other retailers whose goal is to convince us that we must be shopping for something every single waking moment of our lives.  What happens if we don't start Christmas layaway in August? Will we get the best Halloween costumes if we don't get them the day after July 4? And this is a moot question, because everyone knows the best costumes are homemade. But I digress...

I remember when we were shocked that Christmas decorations came out November 1.  We could not wrap our heads around the fact that we were seeing trees in stores, tinsel in the aisles, jingle bells at the check out, and it wasn't even Thanksgiving.

This year, the decorations came out earlier than I ever remember, convincing my children that they need to start asking me for Christmas presents in September.  If I were retired, or my mother, I may be buying Christmas gifts in September. But, sadly for my kids, I am me. Which means no one gets gifts purchased for them until about December 15.  And, while I can blame this on being busy, I think that deep down, there is the sentimental part of me that puts off Christmas as long as I can because I have a soft spot for Thanksgiving. You remember Thanksgiving. It's the one squished between Halloween and Christmas.

I do believe, but I just want to postpone all the crap!

Give me three glasses of wine, and I will give you my impassioned speech about why Thanksgiving doesn't matter in our culture.  It's because Thanksgiving is the only holiday we haven't turned into a buying opportunity. There's no box of chocolate. No present under the tree. No pillowcase full of cheap candy. No Easter Basket.  It's just about being thankful and the precise reason it has always been, and always will be, my favorite of all holidays. 

So instead of the typical Christmas List, which I love - don't get me wrong - I am writing a Thanksgiving List.  My list of wishes for this Thanksgiving.  (Imagine glass of wine in hand, lots of hand motions and me putting my arm around you as I read this to you as if you can't read by yourself).

1.  I wish Thanksgiving could be celebrated in its own lovely right and not sandwiched between Halloween and Christmas. Give Thanksgiving some breathing room, people!
2. I wish everyone could eat my Aunt Donna's pumpkin pie.
3.  I hope that no one makes ambrosia salad.
4.  I hope the turkey isn't dry.
5.  I hope that there are good football games that day.
6.  I hope that I can take the traditional Thanksgiving nap.
7.  I hope my kids feel thankful for all they have.
8. I hope I feel thankful for all I have.
9. I hope that families everywhere can take a minute, between basting the turkey and fluffing the stuffing, to look around and realize that the simple act of being and eating together is fundamental to our well being.
10. I hope that my kids carry on the traditions of my family Thanksgivings because they are part of the fabric of us. And that is a beautiful thing.
11.  I hope we never turn Thanksgiving into a shopping opportunity because it would change the very meaning of the day.
12.  I hope that while everyone starts to get caught up in the spirit of Christmas, deciding where to hide the Elf on the Shelf and what cookies to make, that they'll postpone it a few weeks and enjoy their blessings.
13. I hope that you know, since you're reading this, that I'm thankful for you. All your comments and encouragement as I've started this writing endeavor have helped me immensely and mean a lot.

14.  And as the first Thanksgiving turkey probably said all those years ago,  Gobble Gobble.

Loss, Life and the Ties that Bind

This week, my family suffered a tragic loss. My brother-in-law, only 29 years old, unexpectedly died.  Once whole, we are a family minus one. A family that lost a limb but can always feel it, like it is still a part of our body.

Grief affects us on many levels.  I feel the loss as a sister; I feel the pain as a wife watching her husband grapple with no longer having his brother; and I struggle as a mother to watch my in-laws deal with the worst type of loss, the loss of your child. There are truly no words to put to it. 

It's as if our family has been saddled with a collective heaviness, taking us down like a stone into black water, no bottom in sight. 

This very personal loss was made all the more painful because we learned of his death on the eve of September 11...a day already part of our national consciousness that binds us together by a shared suffering. Even 11 years later, we watch old footage of that day and remember where we were, who we were with and what we were doing down to the most insignificant details.  It marks a dividing line in life.  Life before September 11 and life after it.  Now, I will remember life before September 10 and life after it.

If September 11 taught me anything, it taught me the connectedness of humanity.  When we strip away every negative thing we can do to or feel toward one another, we are all connected by love.  What other explanation could there be for the rescue work, the volunteers and the outpouring of human decency that outshone the terrible acts that befell us?  Watching neighborhood streets lined with American flags filled me with the promise that we are united. Yes, united in grief, but united in the bigger hope that grief lessens because love gets larger. And I believe that for my family. We are united in grief, but our love is larger.

September 11 also taught me to not take the people I love for granted, as much as that is possible.  As humans, we are not capable of treating everyone everyday like it is the last chance we may have to be with them.  But, this week, I was reminded again that we never know the hour or the place or the circumstances.

This week has been bleak. It has been grim.  It has been dark from all sides.  Two days that mean nothing but loss and ache.  But, because we are human, we know in the deepest part of ourselves that life is for the living, so we go on.

The saying "the whole is bigger than the sum of its parts" is true of family.  We are all made better by the family members that surround us, even the ones no longer with us.  They are the ones that pull us up from the black waters, fixing our eyes on the horizon that lies ahead and calling us forth, into life.