Coming to terms with this realization has impacted me in a lot of ways. I'm more aware of things around me. I would like to think I'm more patient. I focus the bulk of my energy on my family. I know beyond a doubt that in the end, only love matters. And I thank God for my life every night.
I also started to very seriously think about what would have happened if I had died. This sounds morbid, but it's actually a very life-affirming exercise. If you died today, what would you be remembered for? Where is your time spent? Because there lies your heart.
Like most people, I do things well and I do things not well. And, for me, there was a big gap between what I want to do with my life and what I actually do with my life. In my head, I write, I cook, I do yoga, I read, I travel, I am creating a wonderful family and I never take anyone for granted. But, in reality, I spend most of my time working, taking conference calls, running errands and asking my kids to "give me 5 more minutes." Does this sound familiar?
This realization set me on a path to define who I am committed to being; to bringing forth the best within me and working hard to give it to the world. To not let who I am get sidetracked by what I'm doing. This isn't a bucket list. It's not what I want to do before I die. It's who I want to be before I die. More of a soul list, if I had to name it. So, if I were writing my own eulogy, I would want it to go something like this:
"Deborah wanted her children to grow beyond her and to live their lives knowing that she loved them unconditionally and that her first priority was always for them to find out who they are, unapologetically embrace themselves and generously give their best to the world.
She was well read.
She appreciated art and creativity.
She wanted to run. She wanted her legs to carry her on adventures big and small. She never took for granted the ability to walk or move on her own accord.
She moved people with what she wrote.
She wanted everyone she'd ever hurt or treated badly or embarrassed with a sarcastic, biting remark to know that she was sorry.
She texted less and had coffee with people more.
She was not afraid to hug people, and often.
She added to the world and did not just take from it.
Her marriage was an example.
Her family was her greatest accomplishment.
She always worked to grow and never recede.
She didn't sweat the small stuff.
She didn't make things about her.
She built a bigger and better relationship with God throughout her life.
She was 50 percent optimist and 50 percent realist.
She was a friend people could count on to be a soft place to land.
She cooked great food that made memories.
She forgave others, and forgave herself.
And she was all these things, as often as she could be, for as many people as she could be."
When I do die, which I sincerely hope is far from now, I want people to say that I died with a full heart and that I loved it all; that when I had that car accident and couldn't walk for months, that it changed me for the better; that I gave it all I had.
What will people say about you? Take some time to figure it out. I promise there is nothing that will make you feel more alive than considering the alternative.
