I have a blog post nearly finished, and every time I go to hit "publish," I can't. It doesn't feel right. There is another, larger thought in me I need to share, but until now, I've been unsure how to put my reaction to Friday's shooting to words.
I am like every parent. You want your children safe, healthy, happy and protected. The disbelief, anger, grief and helplessness with which I watched the news reports are emotions shared by us collectively, as a country of parents, teachers, and citizens, left to wonder how we can keep a tragedy such as this from happening again.
I don't know the answers because the questions are complex. I think there are situations that are too big to be attributed to any single factor; situations that are the result of access and opportunity meeting, fulfilling on a lifetime of rage. It's not just about gun control. It's not just about mental health. It's not just about how Adam Lanza lived and felt and did not feel. And yet, it's about all those things, mashed together in a mess.
Does that mean that Adam Lanza couldn't have been stopped? I don't know if that particular situation could have been prevented, but what could have changed over the course of his life? Hundreds of decisions made by a multitude of people could have made a difference. And that is what I have been stuck on. What can I do in my own community? I can't single handedly change gun legislation. I am not a mental health professional. But I am a parent. I have incredible influence over the three children who call me mom. That means I can move mountains.
I have come up with a list of actions I plan to take in my own family. Not because it will make any difference in a national way, but it will make a difference in the way all parents make a difference...one child, one family at a time.
Limit or Eliminate Exposure to Violence in my Home
I fully admit I have become too desensitized to the violence around me. On TV, in movies, in games. When the shooting at the Batman premier occurred, my mind was jolted back into the reality that the "fictional" violence we permit as a society does have a subconscious impact on what our children view as normal and what they will either tolerate or perpetuate as they age. I want my children to perpetuate peace and acceptance. I do not want them to ever tolerate violence in others or in themselves.
Limit the Use of Technology
As we move ever more toward an age where gadgets easily replace relationships, I want to strive with all my might to raise children who want to spend time with each other, with me and with their friends more than they want to hole up in their rooms, doors closed, with a smartphone. I fear that the ability to have a conversation where you talk about real feelings; the appreciation for spending time in quiet contemplation; and the notion that the natural world has more to teach us than any app are becoming antiquated beliefs. And the more we focus on things and not on people, the more we lose the ability to empathize and walk in another's shoes.
Reach out to Others
In all of the news reports I've watched and read about Adam Lanza's mother, she has been described as "trying to hold it together" or "putting up a good front." I can only imagine how she felt as a single mother, dealing with her son and the stresses he must have put on daily life. I hope that if I see people around me, seeming stressed or trying to hold it together, that I reach out. Ask if they're okay. Ask if I can take them for coffee. It might not make any difference. But it might make a big difference. You just have to believe that even the smallest of gestures matters.
Support Teachers
My sister is a teacher. The grief I felt as a parent was also coupled with the realization that my sister would have done exactly what those teachers did at Sandy Hook. She loves her students and takes her profession not as a job, but as a calling. And I believe that nearly all teachers feel this way. They are called to prepare the future through the education of our youth. I have a renewed focus on supporting my children's school and their teachers; to give them what they need to do their jobs and to let them know how much I appreciate their daily focus on the development and well being of my three most precious possessions.
Love
At the end, love is always what remains. And I hope that I can take on each day from a perspective of love. Love for my family; my friends; my community; my country and those I don't even know. And when I put my kids to bed each night, I will tell them I love them and that everything will be okay, even though I can't promise that. But, it's what kids deserve to hear. And, I will put myself to bed, and say to God, "I will hold on with all my might. Just promise me everything will be all right."
