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| This isn't Bunbury, but it is the Avett Brothers. And they were amazing. Flickr - moses namkung |
As is true with most things, they take on new meaning as you get into the heart of them. For me, the festival was our official claim on the start of summer, a mini vacation, a chance to hear some great live music. What it morphed into was a deep lesson on fear, parenting and being in the right place at the right time.
Bunbury, for all its warm beer, stench of marijuana, lack of shade and in-my-face reminders of just how old I am, taught me a lot.
We Can't Shield Our Kids From Life
Now, I know that life isn't smoking pot, swearing and running around with glow sticks. But, that is sometimes a sliver of life, and that's the sliver we were served this weekend. At first, once it became apparent to me that A LOT of the concert attendees were high (or drunk) and that I was really not in control of what my kids were going to be exposed to, I panicked. I panicked I had made the wrong decision; that we shouldn't be there; that my kids were going to go home, drop out of school and binge watch Fast Times at Ridgemont High. But, after a quick discussion about what they were smelling and what it was, it was out of their minds. They had checked the box and moved onto things worthy of their attention. And then the obvious lesson hit me: my job as a mom is not to keep my kids from everything. That's impossible and as they grow, impractical. My job is to equip them for dealing with what may come their way. For me, that means loving them unconditionally, providing a safe place to question, honest answers about what's happening and frank discussion about right and wrong; healthy and unhealthy; smart and shortsighted. I exhaled my second hand pot smoke and felt better.
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| Some good clean bubble fun to wash away the pot and beer |
It's Good for Kids to See Glimpses of Us as Kids Ourselves
More mesmerizing than the glow sticks were the kids' reactions to their parents being young. We hung in there, walked miles, didn't poo poo their favorite bands for a swear word here or there and when it came time for us to enjoy the bands we came for, we sang. And we danced. And we weren't old. We were people enjoying the moment, embracing the vibe and having a great time. Our kids could almost imagine us as teenagers. And that makes us just a little bit relatable to them. And that's a good thing.
My Kids Are Free to Be Themselves
Sophie is now 15 and really embracing her artistic side. I can fully relate to this because I have this side and I remember feeling it emerge at around the same age. The difference is that I didn't feel like I lived in an environment that supported self expression. It was viewed as counter culture and shocking. So it became something I exposed to certain people but downplayed with others. I was never fully my full self. Because of that, I have always worked hard to support all my children's artistic endeavors (or any interest, for that matter). Writing, singing, music, art and acting are part of our daily lives. So as Sophie comes more and more into herself, I've been faced with statements like "I love pink hair" or "I'm starting a writing account on Instagram and I'm going to make it public so I can get as many followers as possible" or "I want to sell my art on Etsy" or "How old would I have to be to sing in a bar?" Her personal style is unique and I'm proud of her strong sense of who she is. At 15, she is already sailing her own ship.
At one point on Sunday, there was a young woman standing close to us that I had already noticed because she felt like a future version of Sophie. Grayish, pink hair, lavender nails, combat boots and circle sunglasses. Sophie was watching her, then turned to me and said with a sheepish smile, "Are you afraid I'll be like that someday?" The word "afraid" stopped me in my tracks. I don't want my children to ever think I'm afraid of anything they are meant to become. I smiled back at her and said, "I don't think afraid is the right word, but I definitely see you in her." And what I wanted to continue to say, but didn't, was, "Sophie, I would never be afraid of you. I love your style. I love that you aren't afraid to show it. I love that you have a plan for your life that involves learning and growing and creating and travel. I love that you aren't alarmed by anything different than you. I am envious that I didn't have all of that in me at 15."
I loved the Bunbury Music Festival. I loved that it was the place I finally fully realized that I don't need to be afraid of my kids' futures. I need to embrace who they are, who they are becoming and the relationships I will have with each of them. And, I loved dancing to the Avett Brothers.
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| Us and 8,000 of our closest friends |
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| The day my fear died :-) |
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