Five Signs You're a Mom

In case having little children follow you around, calling you "mommy" or having food stains on your shirt or finding a DS game cartridge or odd barrette in your purse isn't enough to help you fully grasp your momhood, here are some other signs that typically highlight the fact that we aren't women living the footloose, fancy free, single life any longer.

These are my three...they follow me around and call me mommy...

You Adopt a New Way of Speaking
I'm not talking about the inevitable "baby talk" we do with our babies and toddlers, where everything takes on that high-pitched, saccharin tone and words all rhyme like a Wiggles song.  I'm talking about that more sophisticated brand of momspeak, where we start our sentences with authoritative phrasology like, "We don't say words like that..." or "One. (long pause) Two. (long pause) Three..." or my all time favorite, "Stupid is a bad word." Okay, stupid is not a bad word.  It's a very purposeful adjective that describes a wide array of people, situations, news stories, current events...the list goes on. I use the word stupid a lot when my kids are gone. That, as well as dumb, idiot, and moron. As you can see, I have a very broad vocabulary that has been put on a high shelf since becoming a mother.

You Go on Daytime Pilgrimages to Target
Target is Mecca for moms with even 30 minutes of free time during the day.  There is a magnetic pull to Target, like a moth to the flame. It's as if $100 is saying to you, "spend me at Target. Go for diapers but buy a bunch more stuff."  This is what happens. You are being a dutiful mother, going to Target, in your yoga pants and double layered tank tops, to buy snack baggies or some other very necessary household item, and you see that cute shirt for $10, those adorable striped tights for your daughter, that $8 Beyblade your son has been wanting.  This happens in nearly every aisle. Inexpensive pet toys. Trendy jewelry. Home decor. And before you know it, you grab that final box of granola bars and your snack baggie trip has turned into $100 of merchandise you never knew you needed.  It's the secret mom code of Target shopping. We're all there, between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m., knowingly nodding to each other with our carts full of crap and kids too young for school, asking if they can have a bag of popcorn to eat while you shop. Don't be ashamed of this. It's a badge of motherhood.

The logo we all know and love.

You Have Pets You May or May Not Want
I have as many pets as I do kids. That equals three of each.  That is a lot of life to take care of, and that doesn't even count my husband.  Don't get me wrong.  I am a pet lover and all my pets are well taken care of. But, there are days, when my dog is sitting at my feet, slobber covered chew toy in mouth, just knowing she is going to win this competition of wills, and I ask myself, "how did I get talked into getting a dog?" You know the answer. My kids wanted a dog. My kids who are at school all day, at practice/activities/stuff all night and on the weekend, are playing with other kids in the neighborhood. My kids don't have a dog.  I have a dog. And, she is laying next to me right now. See...here she is...

Coco is a sweet dog. And she's mine!

 You Get Asked "Who's Babysitting?" if You're Wearing Makeup
I remember the days when putting on eyeliner was a part of my daily morning routine.  My morning routine is now:
1. Get out of bed, put hair in knot.
2. Throw on yoga pants and double layered tank tops. Brush teeth.
3. Make cup of coffee in my Keurig.  I love my Keurig.
4. Ensure backpacks are all ready, lunches packed, notes written.
5. Wake kids and get them ready.
6. Leave my house to make my daily trip to school. Go to Target. Spend $100.

Nowhere in this routine is makeup of any kind involved.  It's freeing in a way; to be able to rub my eyes with abandon throughout the day and avoid looking like a raccoon.  But, if I do ever put on makeup, my kids immediately take this as a cue that a babysitter will be coming over in 30 minutes or less.  I always get asked,"Where are you going?" "Will other kids be there?" "Who is babysitting us?" If my answer is, "I'm not going anywhere," I get quizzical looks that say to me "I don't understand. Why do you look like that if you're not going out? Where is our mother? Where are your yoga pants?"

You Have An Opinion on Whether One Direction is Better than Justin Bieber
Or, generally, you know who these people are, along with every Disney star, Nickelodeon show and all words to all Taylor Swift songs.  There are days I'll be driving in my car alone, and then realize I've been listening to Radio Disney for 30 minutes. And singing along.  I remember when I listened to Nine Inch Nails in my car.  Now I can't listen to that. I think they use the word "stupid".